I have a confession to make.
In a moment of weakness (and intense boredom) I succumbed to a widespread infliction of laziness and sexual frustration.
I tried online dating.
I'm not proud of it. I have always upheld the fact that I am a gal who thrives on the thrill of the chase - but let's be serious here people, we all have our fucking low points.
I maintain the fact that I am a rampant jungle cat, prowling the streets of this fair city to mind fuck, mangle and manipulate any man I so choose. But sometimes a gal gets tired.
Really fucking tired.
Let's just say baby-making as a relationship deal breaker throws one onto the backbench of the dating scene. I longed for a forum in which people's expectations were thought out and upfront, so as to avoid further fuck-ups.
That place is not Internet dating.
Yes, they do require you to condense your personality and life expectations in less then 500 words. But that does not mean that requirement is met.
Let's just say I learned a lot about how easy it is to judge people on proper spelling and grammar.
Don't get me wrong people, I am by no means perfect. But this was the equivalent of throwing a cheetah into a 5x5 cage. I became lethargic, constantly disappointed and increasingly bitter.
You heard me, more bitter.
I went on four fucking dates in one week (no one can say I took this endeavor lightly) with four mildly attractive and generally likable men ranging from ages 23-32. There was less chemistry in each of them than an eighth grade science class.
Now blame it on my youth, but since the day I lost my fucking virginity it has been a fairly steady stream of chemistry ridden encounters. Now, they weren't all perfect. Some were intellectual connections, and some were just pretty men with little brains. The long of the short of it is that there has always been someone that I've found interesting enough to see naked.
And then all of the sudden, zilch, nada, nothing. I was swimming through an ocean of dead fish.
Needless to say, I freaked the fuck out and took drastic action.
Now, I'm not knocking the whole endeavour. I have met numerous people who have found successful working relationships on the Internet, ranging from long term commitments to rowdy fuckbuddies. But let's just be clear here kiddies, that shit is not for me.
If I'm going to accidentally insult someone, it's going to be to their face.
So, in conclusion - if you're looking for someone to sprinkle with ounces of commitment-ridden goodness or just some slutty fluids, Internet dating may be right for you.
If you're looking for some fucking entertainment, get up off your ass and head down to the local meat market. You've gotta fight for your food, just like everybody else.
'DILF' of the Week
Now, I've had a massive fem-boner for Woody Harrelson since the Cheers days, but never have I been so simultaneously turned on and horrified as when watching Natural Born Killers. I was aroused and emotionally scarred at the same time. How many dudes can manage that?
