On the Back Page of the Internet

The other day while posting an add for mine and my roommate's unwanted mini fridge I stumbled upon a sector of craigslist which, despite my natural curiosity, had previously been undiscovered. This mysterious and frequently disturbing sector of the purgatory that is Internet classifieds is misc romance.

As if online dating wasn't weird enough misc personals is the place where all seekers of undefinable relationships come to post their (oddly sensible) adds. This dark hole of the Internet was mostly littered with requests for sub/dom and extra-marital affairs but each is as uniquely quirky as the last.

My personal favorite was 'Beginner TS needs mature couple'. I personally have absolutely no problem with homosexuals or transsexuals (it's those heteros I can't stand) but like most individuals content with their genitals, I find the whole changing your gender thing to be a mystery, and therefore pretty intriguing.



This particular individual offered up both housekeeping and sexual services in return for cheap rent and wisdom. That's one way to get affordable housing in Victoria, ammirite? The interest part was the detail included when discussing the types of favors available, seeing as some parts were apparently not yet fully functional.

Aside from such matters of fiscal sensibility, there was a couple posts for threesomes, which, lets be honest, theoretically sound like a no strings attached bag of consenting monkey fun (but as a jealous individual, I seriously doubt the fantasy that is threesomes among other forms of romantic sharing, see a future post on polyamory). A great example of this was the peace/love themed add entitled 'Couple seeks long term GF' in which this couple described both themselves and their ideal 'GF' as peace-loving. Apparently only in Victoria can you have your gluten-free organic cake and eat another piece.



After reading a couple of these posts I began to fantasize about (get your minds out of the gutter) a world where you could be just as upfront about your wants on a first date as you can on craigslist, like the introduction at speed dating with more sarcasm.

Mine would probably go 'Emotionally unwilling female seeks DILF for the time being': Hot blonde seeks salt and pepper kids-optional attractive male, must be interested in more then just steamy love-making but never mention a) the future b) how crazy they are about me c)how crazy I am and d) how they are old enough to be my father. Must be interesting but not interesting enough that I want to keep talking to them after August. A certain amount of self-loathing and denial required, emotional availability optional.

Wouldn't life be simpler.