The summer fling, the summer romance, that hot member of the opposite sex you plan to spend the next three months panting with throughout those short starless nights. Somebody you can run barefoot in the grass with and in August wave goodbye to with the content feeling that you made the most of the season.
Let's be serial here ladies and gents, the summer fling is a LIE.
Chances are I'll find some handsome thirty-something bearded deadbeat who's been to Asia and has experienced an almost-to-close-encounter with one of those beautiful Thai lady-boys (can you say dreamy). It'll be cool, casual, the sex'll be great and by mid august I'll say "see-ya" and spend the next however-long pining over the good times I had in the midst of a summer romance.
There is not going to be a content subtle wave goodbye. There will be loosely organized pretend plans for visits and however many years later that persistent background hope that you'll run into your 'summer fling' during Christmas break and manage to slip away from your family (yes, you do remember why you moved away in the first place) just long enough to have sex in a bathroom, at the very least.
I know what your thinking, "you're right oh wise one, but I can't not get laid for 3 months! That's ludicrous!" and you're right, that is ludicrous. So the fact of the matter is either we start taking that Jonas brothers' purity ring vow to run back to the nunnery with your pants around your ankles view seriously, or we suck it up and deal with those hot "weather" flashbacks that consistently plague you while your standing in line at the university bookstore waiting to spend your summer dough, or at least, what you have left of it after having discovered that you can find a wing night almost every night of the week and that happy hour drinks only cost less if you drink the same amount.
Nevertheless, I raise my glass to cold cider, hot wings and talks of threesomes with people you hardly know in the twilight hour of midnight. Here's to summer for letting our brains rot and our genitals take the wheel.
'DILF of the Week'
Take a gander at the seconds from 0:45 on and see the moment my DILFdar began to appreciate eHarmony. Apparently his name is David and he needed a dating site to find a woman. Yeah, and I'm Tai-sho the natural blonde lady boy.
A parting gift for all you seekers out there: "Do you come here often?" does work—if you look like me.
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