The note was a literary definition for the word “Manicorn”
“Manicorn”: (noun) is defined as “A mythical male creature who is successful (read: pursuing his own passion and can pay his own bills), funny, chivalrous, masculine (read: not chauvinistic) adventurous, artistic (read: not suicidal).”
My good friend then followed the definition by drawing a delightful little picture of a faceless man with a unicorn horn for a penis.
Needless to say the Manicorn does not exist; neither I nor any of my friends has ever come upon any horn-penises or a romance novel worthy dude who is not also a gigantic pot of douchery. Just as unicorns do not exist (deal with it you fruity optimists) and just as fairytales do not happen to everyday people. The reason for this is: fairytales are simple. They follow a standard plot diagram; there is a rise, peak and fall. The story ends at the happiest moment and the reader does not see into the next fifty years of the main characters, no body (but the villains) are old, unattractive or have intentions that aren’t morally sound. Shit’s simple, there’s no questions of job security or income taxes and worrying about the next time you’ll get laid or have your period.
No eight year old wants to read a story about Mr. Brown and his constant worries as to whether he’ll have enough money in his RRSP by the time he’s sixty.
That being said, there are fairy tale people.
Don’t get excited, I’m not turning into an optimist, I haven’t come upon a sudden life changing realization of hope – keep those tiny rainbows in your pants people. Fairy tale people are just like you, but better.
I’ve got a friend who looks like Snow White, sings like Sleeping Beauty and smiles like Rapunzel. She is the Disney princess incarnate. She’s beautiful and talented AND friendly as all hell (to a scary point, I feel the need to turn into a Harley riding, beard growing, scary woman of questionable sexuality when I’m out with her in public to fight off all the creeps).
But she has her problems like everybody else, she thinks stupid people are stupid, finds annoying people annoying and doesn’t give that pretty smile of hers to those who don’t deserve it (for the most part). She also ain’t a virgin, and kudos to her for that. Disney princesses were always surrounded by men, and my god why shouldn’t they want a little sugar. (Albeit she ain’t exactly dwindling her bed post either, but that’s beside the point).
I’ve never met anyone quite like her, which reinforces the fact that fairytale people are about as rare as fuckin’ unicorns – and if you can find one, I’ll bet you five skinny oiled bitches that they ain’t even the slightest bit single.
Fairytale people are shiny beacons of the human race and upon coming face to face with one you’ll with often be plagued by symptoms of self-reflection, arousal, and a general sense to question whether or not you should have another drink – for fear that this glittery image may just be a figment of your imagination.
If you come upon one of these people do your best to try to seduce them! Chances are it will not work, but you’ll probably learn something and have a couple of exc ellent erotic dreams in the near future.
So, maybe the Manicorn does exist, but sure as hell not in my world – A gal’s gotta stick to her people mine being of course frequently unemployed, hairy, of questionable moral judgement and a wee too bit fond of the drink. At least I know where I’m at, ammirite?
'DILF of the Week'
At the request of my dear friend Hannah, who consequently may also herein be referred to as "the wife" since my life is so cute and sad right now, I give you Donald Draper played by that guy who plays Donald Draper. Not much needs to be said, he makes cigarettes look cool.
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